dissociative identity disorder
moving from darkness
into light

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If you had asked me 2 years ago what Dissociative Identity Disorder was I would I have told you that I did not know. Had you asked me what multiple personality disorder was I would have told you it was either demon possession, or someones excuse for misbehaving.

I would have been wrong.

You see, 2 years ago I didn't know what caused me to have so many gray spots in my life. I'm lucky enough to be a person with very few black holes. Many people experience loss of time, loss of memory. I don't have that. Sometimes it's more like I'm a viewer, watching my life happen to me. I've often described my memories as though I remember a dream that someone told me they had. Memories with no emotion, detached from me. This would normally be described as Dissociative Depersonalization or derealization, except that the behaviors during this time are very different in nature depending upon the situation.

I can remember having dissociative episodes as early as 11 years old, though my history tells me that I've been having them longer than that. When I would have one that caused me to behave "out of character" for myself I would often state that I had no recollection of the event. This was easier for me than to admit that I was physically behaving in a way that I could not control.

Please understand that I am in no way a counselor/psychiatrist or anyone with any ability to diagnose or treat any physical or mental disturbance. I am simply a woman who knows what she experiences day in and day out, and who has lived her whole life with these experiences. Whether you choose to believe that I have Dissociative Identity Disorder, another disorder, or am simply psychotic is up to you. It is my hope that building this website will be both therapeutic for me and educational for others.

Now... on to the beginning of the end.